Genevra Ivory

On August 29th around 11:00 p.m., we were so very blessed to welcome our little girl, Genevra Ivory, into the world. She was 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. The journey to get her here was not quite what we had planned or expected, but what birth is?

Joshua was born C-section due to his being classified as "macrosomic" (or too large to be allowed to deliver vaginally) at 41 weeks. When I look back at his birth, I realize that even though I was angry about not being given a chance to labor, I think the possibility of shoulder dystocia due to his size (10 lbs) was far too great and the doctors helped me make an informed decision.

But I was fiercely determined to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) for our next baby. I worked very hard and gained much less with this pregnancy and read every bit of literature I could on how to have a successful VBAC. I prayed for it in every prayer. Josh prayed that I would get my wish. Then at 38 weeks we had the ultrasound that would determine our fate. Baby girl came in at 9 lbs. I was devastated, as my hopes for a VBAC waned, but my midwife, Sarah Darby said that we would wait it out and see what would happen before 41 weeks came around. We went to the zoo in Topeka, on shopping excursions, to Clinton Lake, and did just about anything to keep our minds off of the "what ifs".

Then, at 5:30 a.m. on the 29th, my water broke. I doubt that anyone has ever been so excited to have their water break. I almost cried tears of joy. Serious. We had a wonderful woman from our ward come over and watch Joshua and Sarah (my youngest sister) and went to the hospital. The ride to the hospital was almost comical. I was chattering away, thrilled to my toes that at any moment I would begin to have the contractions everyone talked about (but I had never felt), while Josh was scared to death that I was dying-- due to all of the blood I was loosing. Looking back, the funniest thing was when Josh wheeled me into the labor area and started stuttering something incoherent about "labor" and "water" and I assured the nurses that I was fine and just needed to be checked in.

For five of the longest minutes, the nurses tried to get a steady heartbeat from the baby, but had no success. Before I had a chance to register that something was wrong, two of the doctors came in and said that we would get me into the O.R. to do a C-section as soon as possible. I burst into tears...totally embarrassed to be crying in front of three nurses and two doctors. Dr. Stone said she would try one more time to see if they could get a steady beat. And we did.

I spent the next 15 hours laboring. When I was checked only two days before, I was at a 3 and very thin. Somehow, my body defied physics and when we checked in at the hospital, I was not dilated at all. Zilch. Needless to say, it was a very long 15 hours with me alternating between using pitocin and having strong contractions that distressed my baby, to not being on pitocin and hardly experiencing any contractions. I could narrate the ups and downs of the labor progression, but that would get tiresome...as it was for me. There came a point around 10:00 that evening where little Genevra was coming down the birth canal, ready to make her grand entrance. But with each contraction, her heart rate would drop and then flat line for an instant. And with each progressive contraction, it took just a little longer for her heart rate to return.

Throughout the pregnancy, I had been given various priesthood blessings from my husband, assuring me that my will was also my Heavenly Father's will. I assumed that this meant that my pursuing a VBAC was right and that it was MEANT to happen for us. When Dr. Stone came into the room and told me that my baby's well being depended on us having a repeat C-section, both Josh and went through a series of mixed emotions. We had both had our hopes set on a VBAC and the possibilities of a faster postpartum recovery, as well as the opportunity to have a larger family that a VBAC could offer. I wanted to prove to myself that I was just as capable at giving birth as the women who deliver vaginally. It was at that moment that I came to realize that more than anything else, and most important was my baby's health-- and that was what the Lord wanted for me too. His will was that my baby was healthy.

Genevra could not have been healthier or more beautiful. After the C-section, the doctor explained that it was a miracle she was healthy. My placenta had stopped working properly and had begun to shrivel...literally. Most babies who have this happen are under five pounds and experience difficulties upon birth, which was happily not the case with Genevra. But, this was the reason behind Genevra not tolerating the stress of labor. We were also informed that my tailbone is exceptionally odd shaped, curving in. Thus the reason behind my lack of progress during labor. The result being that my chances of delivering vaginally and a baby making it past my tailbone are very slim.

The fact of the matter is that we have a bundle of joy sent straight from heaven. The timing of her birth could not have been more perfect. My family was driving back from Tennessee where they picked up my brother from his mission, so on the way home they were able to stop by the hospital and admire their newest grandchild. My mom stayed for four days after they left and saved me from going insane. She catered to Joshua's tantrums at being de-throned, cooked us amazing meals, did our laundry, and helped me cope with the steep drop in my hormones. Yeah, my mom is amazing and I can't say enough how grateful I am for her being there when I needed her most.

Our ward is also something to brag about. Joshua has been more than temperamental of late, throwing fits if I hold little sister or even look at him with my brows slightly furrowed, and upon my mom leaving, I had no idea how I would survive. But several angels from our ward volunteered to watch Joshua during the time Josh was in classes over the course of a few days. On top of this, meals were brought into our home. The service these women gave has made my life so much more easy to swallow with the reality of having two children to take care of. I will be posting pictures as they happen.

For now, life is good. What can I say more?

Where We're At

For one of our playdates with the ward, we went to a Curious George exhibit in Kansas City.  Joshua was thrilled to finally meet his hero in the flesh (sort of).

Joshua and I hanging out in our tiny pool in back of the apartment, trying to escape the super high temperature humidity.

Josh doing his honey-do list during his time off.  Yes, he is painting the kitchen.  And yes, the '70s, exceptionally gross looking cabinets needed it. 

Once upon a time, I was a faithful blogger. That was before I had a toddler whose sole mission in life is to be as destructive as possible in the shortest amount of time. The scary thing is that in a matter of a few short weeks, we will be welcoming a second child into our home...a little girl (!) to be exact;) We are very excited to meet her, even if she is going to be the size of a small whale. At an ultrasound two weeks ago (34 weeks) she was going on 7 pounds and measuring 37 weeks. I won't sugar coat how upset I was when I realized that her size would be a huge determination in whether or not I could have a vaginal birth, rather than another C-section. But when I think about it, faith would not be faith unless the odds were against me somewhat; Josh and I are still hoping and praying that she will come early enough that I won't be attempting to give birth the a 12 pound baby at 41 weeks.

Somewhere around the beginning of this last spring, Josh and I decided on taking our bodies to Lawrence, Kansas for the next three years. Shortly thereafter, my parents did what they do best and stepped in to help us in our time of need. We embarked on our journey on the 27th of May and saw our little apartment for the first time the following day. The cost of living must be significantly different in Utah-- at least concerning apartments. Our apartment in Cedar City was much newer on the inside and nicer, for much cheaper. Both Josh and I feel immensely blessed to live in the ward we do, which almost makes up for the difficulties we have had with our apartment (roof falling in, sinks leaking, toilet breaking in half, neighbors having drunken, loud parties). From the moment we made ourselves known in the ward, we were welcomed and surrounded with people who support each other and help in a way I have not seen in a ward before. It really gives the impression of a ward family when you consider that most of the members out here do not have family living within driving distance.

After much hard work and time spent, Josh completed his first semester at University of Kansas this summer. He was not expecting the program to be so intense and demanding, but I think he will survive if he can pace the workload. Josh is already a legend within the MaRCh program since hardly anyone is married, let alone a father of two children. With how this summer semester was so demanding, we seriously have our doubts about Josh being able to work a job but this has been a benefit for me because this month between the two semesters, Josh has been able to work on improving the state of our living quarters, under my direction.

Joshua is growing way too fast for my taste. Not physically (still only in the 25%) as much as personality intelligence. He is sleeping in a big boy bed, and has learned how to get out and empty his clothes drawers by putting each article of clothing on his body during the time he should be going to bed. Joshua does not say any full sentences yet, but his vocabulary has grown in leaps; most of the time I don't understand what he is saying, but there are usually enough discernible words to and pointing to distinguish what he wants. We are enjoying exploring some of the many, many parks and stores and I especially look forward to the day when it is easier for me to move about at these grand places.

It is so nice to go to the play groups our ward has and get to associate with amazing women who are also fairly young moms. It's safe to say that thus far, we have found nothing not to like about Lawrence. It is a larger city than what either of us are used to, but we are both loving how it has the small town feel with all of the many advantages of a bigger place. The greenery is very delightful, and the weekly (or more) rains are good for cooling off the oven of humidity. We are happy here and hope to make this feel more and more like home.

A Sort of Limbo

Picture taken five or six months ago.  Joshua about nine-months.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had decided to not post again until we had a change of circumstances for the better.  Not that life is not good-- just nothing I really cared to write about(?).  That, and besides having the cutest baby on earth who is growing way too fast, life has been pretty darn stagnant up until now.
Things that are the same: Josh is still plugging away at the cheese plant.  I am proud of his perseverance.  We are still playing creepers in my parent's basement similar to Harry Potter, minus the hostile treatment and living under the stairs.  Still in love with being a mother...on most days.
Fastest changer: Joshua.  It makes me sad when I think about how my little man has gone from being an infant to toddler overnight.  Joshua is walking, trying to put on his own shoes, and has learned exactly how to throw the world's funniest tantrum.  He starts to shake and holds his breath until his face is beat red, all the while growling ferociously.  On the other hand, Joshua has learned how to blow kisses, yell "mama!",  and give bear hugs or "1, 2, 3, SQUEEZE!".  Who knew a year could bring about such changes?!
Things to look forward to: Mostly, the future!  As President Monson says, "The future is as bright as our faith," and I have faith there are great things in store for our family.  First of all, we decided to remodel the family and add a new addition around September first.  We wanted Joshua to have a buddy...keeping our fingers crossed that it's a boy, but we will find out the beginning of April for sure.  A girl would be ok too;).
Also, Josh is anxiously awaiting word from University of Nebraska (Lincoln), University of New Mexico (Albuquerque), and University of Kansas (Lawrence), to find out where we will spend the next three years of our lives.  Word of acceptance/decline should be coming sometime during the next month.
All in all, search as I may, I can't find a whole lot to complain about.  Come daylight savings, it will be another story.  (Loosing sleep is the polar opposite of loosing weight.  Not a happy camper.)  

Many Happy Returns

Most of the pictures don’t need an explanation. One is a family picture taken when Joshua was just barely three-months-old. Another is us at the pool this week. My mom and dad and siblings in the Manti Pageant. Joshua trying out his dad’s cowboy hat on the 4^th. Josh’s graduation.

It’s been a while. Much has happened…and not happened for us here in the Kirkman Clan. Josh graduated this May Suma Cum Laude (yeah, my hubby is a jamn denius) with his Bachelors of Architecture. He has really been a trouper this last semester with a 21 credit load, work, and a new baby, but somehow he muddled through;)

We anticipated a flood of work opportunities for Josh, and granted, he did have several interviews and submitted countless resumes. But as luck would have it, most places prefer an architect with more experience under his belt. To make a long story slightly shorter, we held out as long as we could, waiting for a company to take a chance on a new guy, but in the end, our bank account decided that we could wait no longer.

In June, my parents were kind enough to take us under their wings and give us a place to live. During the month, we continued to look for work, interview, and enjoy our summer going camping, hot air ballooning, and reunioning. Josh spent his days working for my dad fencing and irrigating. This week we were very blessed to have Josh start his new job at the Fillmore cheese plant. We still have hopes of further education and a career in architecture, but for now our student loans and savings account for graduate school need some attention.

I am soaking in the plethora of babysitters and loving feeling of progress that exercise gives me. Although I can honestly say that I never wanted to come back to my hometown, I can also honestly say that it’s not so bad…in fact, life is pretty good. For the first time in a long time, I have gotten one-on-one opportunities with my siblings.

Joshua is now 6 months old! I can hardly believe how fast my baby is growing and how much personality he has. Lately he has figured out how to give very slobbery kisses and is scooting around on his fat little elbows. Joshua looks like a baby jack-o-lantern with his two baby teeth sticking out and uses them to bite anyone who dares to cross him.

Little Things

Lately, our house has become cluttered with little socks, diapers, throw-up towels, onesies, and most every other little thing that comes with having a baby. And when I look at all of the many dishes that have been neglected and hours that have gone unslept, combined with an ever growing array of little paraphernalia, I can't help but think that I deserve credit for coming up with the perfect recipe for a short circuited memory. So if any of you need to forget an unwanted appointment with your boss or bishop, come spend a day at the Kirkman's. Before you know it, you too will forget to get dressed only to hear a knock on the door and realize that it is mid-afternoon and your baby is content, but you forgot to turn off the oven.
Motherhood is an adjustment.
BUT I love it so much! I can honestly say that nothing brings me greater happiness than seeing my sweet baby happy. He is growing much faster than what I would like. At two months, he is barely fitting some of his six month clothes and is quite long. I am confident that little Joshua will grow up to have a career involving highly trained leg aerobics...possibly be the next Billy Blanks (?). He loves to kick and kick and smile and then kick some more. Josh gave a beautiful baby blessing last Sunday and the luncheon was yummy, thanks to my mom and Grandma Tippetts and all who brought salads/desserts.
Good news all around: we purchased a 1998 Buick Century off of KSL for a super good deal. It only has 82,000 miles and runs like a teenager on steroids. I feel like a new woman with wheels to the outside world!
This week was spring break down at SUU. Josh spent it busting his brains trying to finish his home-study physics class while Joshua and I made ourselves scarce at Grandma Lisa's house. We have had fun testing out our chauffer skills on the kids and practicing early bedtime habits.
Stay tuned for some baby/car pics!

New Beginnings

On January 5, 2012 at exactly 7:23 a.m., one week past the due date, Josh and I embarked on the scariest, most wonderful adventure either of us ever hoped to experience...parenthood. Joshua Franklin Kirkman was born via C-section due to the doctor's concern about his weight on the ultrasounds, and the fact that my body did not want to prepare at all to give birth. Although he was not the whopping 11 lbs. the ultrasound predicted, he was 9 lbs, 14 ounces, and 21 and 1/2 inches long, which was reason enough for me to be very grateful we are blessed with the technological advancements of our day. We named him "Joshua" because it fit perfectly, better than any of the names we had debated earlier in our pregnancy, because he looked just like his daddy's baby pictures, and because I admire my husband just that much;) Also, it is a bit of a tradition with his family to name some part of their first born sons after the father. Then "Franklin" is a stretch from my late grandfather Frank Tippetts, an amazing man who lived his life in a way I hope our baby will. We are planning on calling him "Joshua" and his dad "Josh" or to avoid confusion, "Joshua Franklin". The happiest moment for both Josh and I was when we heard the startled cry of our baby (over the doctor's commentary about baby Joshua's broad shoulders), and Josh was able to bring him over to the operating bed and hold his tiny cheek to mine.
Needless to say, our lives have taken a total turn-around from the start, beginning with a very strange, limited sleep schedule. I never thought I would rejoice over four consecutive hours of sleep! If it's true that there "ain't no rest for the wicked", Josh and I must be the devil's henchmen because I have never been more exhausted in my life. Hopefully part of it is due to recovery time...otherwise I am not sure how much longer I will have my wits about me. Nothing could have prepared us for the selflessness that goes into parenthood. Everything that was once all about us and what we wanted is now all about Joshua and what he needs. All of the work put into taking care of one little person is unbelievable, and makes me want to be filthy rich to pay my own poor parents back for all the trouble I caused them;) The reward of having this sweet, beautiful spirit in our home far outweighs the cost. He brings us more joy and happiness with each passing day and strengthens my testimony that our Heavenly Father has an infinite love for His children.

Heartburn and Heartwarming Times

Well folks, we are down to the last month of school and pregnancy. Needless to say, times being the way they are has put both Josh and I on edge. Really, he is the one coping well as I fall apart over the stupidest things such as grocery shopping, children's movies, and Pampers commercials. One day, people, one day I look forward to having my hormones in check and behaving like a sane person again...if I ever was sane. So far, within the last three months, two people have asked me if I am having twins and three+ people have asked how overdue I am. "No," to both questions. Not carrying twins. (Apparently I was for the first while but we are now having one baby, and he is sitting cozy all up front.) As much as I wish I was close to being overdue, it is still a while away. I think the worst incident happened when we were on a date at the Garden House and after the waitress seated us at a booth, my tummy prevented me from sitting down all of the way. I was stuck between the booth wall and our table. Luckily, they were not busy and we were able to find an open table with movable chairs.
This last week was marvelous. We were able to go home and watch my brother (Nic) be the stud of his high school play and a wrestling star. On top of that, my whole family (minus the two youngest kids) sang in the church choir while they were accompanied by my second youngest sister (Anna) on her flute. My siblings are very talented;)
Thanksgiving was a blast. We went with my family to Grandma DeGraffenried's and gorged ourselves on everything from sweet potatoes to a variety of twenty-eight different pies made by small children and adults alike. --Heartburn and water retention in my feet were the result, but SO worth it. Josh and I loved holding my little cousins and imaging what our own little boy will look like. I have to confess that about the cutest thing is seeing Josh with babies. Until he married into my obscenely huge family, he had never held one and to see him interact with them is heartwarming-- and not in a heartburn heartwarming way;).
My mom was a gem and hosted an incredible baby shower which most of my aunts were able to attend. It was a soup buffet of sorts and the end result was that Josh and I are financially able to purchase some of the big ticket items we need such as a crib and car seat. My relief society is hosting another shower for our ward this Saturday. We feel very blessed to have such generous family and friends. Thank you! Thank you!