Real Life

Previous to this June, I looked forward to "real life".  My husband and I would talk about it like we were dolls playing students in some warped game of "let's get into massive amounts of debt".  I had no idea how much of a financial bubble we lived in.  We didn't have a car payment.  Our "dumb" phones cost close to nothing. Our rent was VERY cheap.  We had no medical, dental, vision or heating bills.  Sometimes, we didn't even pay for groceries.  If you ever want to know the why and how people live off of the government, I am the lady to talk to.  Discount was my forte.  For years, my husband and I looked forward to the day when we would be contributing members of society.  Meanwhile, we paid out of state tuition for one of the most rigorous and expensive architect grad programs in the nation and amassed a ridiculous amount of student loan debt.

Fast forward to now.  We have been out of school for 6 months and have had reality slap us upside the head, and I have found myself wondering WHY on earth we were so eager to do "real life".  We have a new van with payments.  And smartphones.  Our rent has more than doubled.  We are paying for insurance, as well as a slew of bills related to pregnancy (who knew babies were so expensive?!).  I have joined the lovely club of Mormon moms who buy in bulk.  It's called Costco, and the opportunities to overspend are endless.  We have student loan payments.

A month ago, we decided to house shop in hopes of making a home before baby #3's impending arrival.  We found the perfect place.  It had a large yard, and was spacious with a fantastic kitchen.  Our realtor made an offer.  That was when we found out that within the last few months, a law was passed that requires ALL loan agencies to weigh the total student loan debt against your income before you can buy a home.  I won't go into the numbers, but essentially, this means that unless you have a crazy starting salary, you will not be able to buy a home without a co-signer.  Until you have paid off a significant portion of your loans.  Previous to this law, only your MONTHLY student loan payment was taken into account.

We do have some wonderful family members who have agreed to co-sign so we don't spend the next 20 years throwing away our money on rent.  But after much discussion and tightening our budget, we have agreed that all tax refunds, raises, bonuses, etc, will go straight to our student loans (which gather $10,000 of interest per year), in hopes of paying them off ASAP and then looking at "dream houses".  For now, we will be looking for a much cheaper home with the lowest mortgage payment possible.

Why does any of this matter?  Why am I telling you about our finances?  There is absolutely nothing funny about this post.  Kind of the opposite.  In fact, the last month has been one of the hardest on our marriage, and on both of us emotionally.  

I complained.  Why couldn't we have gotten in state tuition (even with him working for a design studio in KC)?  Why did we feel so strongly that KU was where we needed to be?  Why did the laws have to change with house buying?  Why do I have to have expensive c-sections?  Why did our car break down (thus the new van)?  Why can't we justify getting that nice home? Why do we move so often?!
  

Then I saw this:

 And I thought, "What is WRONG with me?!"  Um, hello?  I have been blessed beyond measure, along with most of the people in this great country.  I have clean drinking water.  Hot showers.  A roof over my head.  A family to love and to be loved by.  There hasn't been a day that I have had to worry about our home being bombed.  I have food, electricity, and (gasp!) the great blessing of having doctors who can give my body exactly what it needs to produce and birth my babies!  There are a slew of stores down the road where I can buy all the essentials and more.  Who am I to complain about student loan debt when I was able to get my Bachelors and my husband his Masters?  There are people out there who can't even read.  So what if I don't like the president?  At least I had the right to vote!  What a blessing it is to have a vehicle to make payments on.  What a gift it is to be able to have the ability to call/text anyone from anywhere with my expensive phone!  And passing up that "perfect home"?  At least I know that no matter where we move (be it the dumpiest place in the dumpiest neighborhood), it is more than what many dream of.  My washing machine is constantly full of clothes.  There are people whose entire bedding and clothing wouldn't fill it.  Why do I whine about bills?  At least my husband makes a good enough living that we are able to pay them!  The mess I complain about that my kids make consists of books, toys, blankets and an odd array of snacks- all of which we should thank our lucky stars for.

My point is, most of what I whine about in this "real life" that we are living are privileges that others will never get the opportunity to experience.  When I step back and look my problems, they are minuscule in comparison to what I could be dealing with.  Instead of complaining about the cost of Christmas, this year I want to remember to have a prayer of gratitude in my heart for the blessings and comforts of life that are mine to enjoy.  I am blessed.  You are blessed.  We are all blessed beyond measure.